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How to Navigate the Maze of Internet Relationship Advice

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    A computer and access to the Internet: That's all you need to share your opinion with the world about how you think people should manage their lives, relationships, finances...you name it. It seems like overnight, everyone has become a potential "expert" about some particular issue.

     

    Nowhere is this more apparent than with relationship advice. Thousands of "how to" articles are just a click away ("How to keep your man happy, even when he doesn't give a damn"; "How to recharge your libido and make love for a week straight"; "How to find your soulmate without even looking"). It's mind-boggling.

     

    But which relationship advice should you consider? Which marriage advice is likely to do more damage than good? And how do you make sense of contradictory advice? Here are a few suggestions to help guide you.

     

    3 things to consider about relationship advice:

     

    1. Approach the advice with a healthy dose of skepticism

     

    It's important not to view any piece of advice as gospel. Much of the relationship advice floating around in cyberspace is based mostly on someone else's opinion rather than research-based findings. And each person's opinion is colored by his/her own particular personality quirks: the advice of a person who suffered through the pains of divorce as a child may have strong anti-divorce leanings; the person with a high libido may tout the wonders of sex as the ultimate way for couples to deepen intimacy; the person who was repeatedly hurt in relationships may highlight extreme caution before making a serious commitment; and so on.

     

    Keep a "Shop around" Mindset

     

    When you go clothes shopping, you probably don't buy the first outfit you see. You're selective: you seek out what might look nice on you and then you try on different items to see how they fit and to test how comfortable you feel wearing the new clothing. If it doesn't fit, you move onto the next piece of clothing. Approach advice in a similar way: if it doesn't fit your needs (or the needs of your relationship), shelve it and move on.

     

    By nature, advice is somewhat generic--a one-size-fits-all approach to helping people; since your relationship is unique, some of the advice you read will be irrelevant to your life.

     

    1. Listen to your gut

     

    Marriage and relationship advice should be transparent and make intuitive sense. For instance, a piece of advice suggesting that you and your partner take a "time out" when an argument becomes too heated is sensible and easy to understand-after reading this advice, your reaction might be something like: "That's what my husband and I should be doing more of" - this is the kind of reaction you want after reading advice.

     

    But what if you come across advice that makes the hair on the back of your neck rise, or you just can't wrap your mind around how a particular suggestion could help your situation? Since you are the ultimate authority and expert on your relationship, it's best to trust your gut reaction in these moments. You don't want to exacerbate your relationship struggles by following advice that isn't a good fit for your particular needs. (parterapeut)

     

    1. Consider the source of the advice

     

    Timmy and Cindy have been dating through their whole sophomore year of high school and they're head over heels in love-Timmy is convinced he's discovered the "secret" of true love and is ready to share his relationship wisdom with the world. So he starts a blog and offers his advice about how to make any relationship work.